Men's well-being is the foundation to empowering men to thrive in all areas of their lives. Men's coaching is one tool to support men. I believe we've got to be real to heal and thrive.

Honesty and vulnerability are essential to effective coaching.

So, I'll go first...

I've experienced and overcome my fair share of adversity.

Suicide, mental illness, trauma and chronic diseases are part of my family story. Many family members have completed suicide. Many have been diagnosed with mental illness and chronic disease or were impacted by trauma. There were times when I lost my will to live. I was diagnosed with a mental illness. I'm happy to share that I'm here, I'm thriving, and I'm helping others.

I do believe that we're all recovering from something and the journey through coping to healing to thriving is lifelong.

I didn't always have the tools to thrive. I wasn't aware that I was in survival mode. I didn't acknowledge how bad things were. I didn't understand that I was experiencing mental illness. I didn't know how to get better. I reached for anything that would help me feel better in the moment. Most of my coping was unhealthy. Binge eating , substance use, and bulimia were unconscious coping strategies that I used to try to feel better, but ultimately made me feel even worse. I began to heal and thrive when I reconnected with spirituality, focused on my well-being, got professional mental health treatment, and engaged coaching.

I'm a spiritual person.

I believe in the power of spirituality. Spirit has been my primary source of strength. Spirituality, which I define as my personal connection to Spirit, is what empowered me to overcome life's challenges and alchemize adversity into triumph.

I grew up in a lower than average income household. 

Financial strain and limited resources created a lot of stress growing up. I'm grateful for everything we had, but we didn't have much. There were no college degrees hanging on any walls in our apartment. My parents worked hard for mediocre wages. I learned many positive lessons that built my character, but I also learned how to stop dreaming because so many things felt out of reach. I learned how to check out and shut down so I didn't have to feel. Financial uncertainty and living in what felt like an unsafe neighborhood created a lot of anxiety.

Religious trauma was part of my journey.

Some folks find their spiritual home at a church that focuses on unity, love, and spiritual growth. I'm happy for those folks. This was not the case for me. We went to the type of church that taught me I was inherently bad, the world was evil, and hell was in store for anyone who didn't conform. Intolerance was taught alongside ideas of love and salvation. It was confusing and many things did not make sense to me. Leaders abused their power and hurt people. Leaders were not practicing what they were preaching. I developed existential fear, fear of hell, fear of God and distrust of the world and outside authorities including teachers and counselors. I was trained to feel separate from the world. I learned to focus obsessively on religion while neglecting other key areas of life including health, education, career, and finances.

One abundant resource we had was food. Mostly affordable, highly processed foods.

Food became one of few sources of pleasure in my life. I gained weight. I became an obese child. I used food as a way to cope with stress. I remember downing six packs of Dr. Pepper in a day. I remember constantly opening the refrigerator door, sometimes just to look. I began to shut down emotionally and socially as a way to protect myself from feeling vulnerable. I used food to check out. I was trying to feel better, but it made me feel worse physically, mentally, and emotionally. Looking back, I was depressed.

Due to a crisis, I found myself living alone as a teenager.

I didn’t tell any teachers, school counselors or coaches. I didn’t know how to ask for help. Nobody came to check on me, I was utterly alone. This experience threw me into my first major depressive episode. I felt numb and empty. I stopped caring. Trash piled up in the living room into a sea of despair. I started drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. I was getting drunk every day before going to high school. I was able to purchase alcohol illegally because I looked much older than my age. I ended up with a DUI then a driving on suspended license citation while I was still in high school. I started smoking marijuana regularly. My relationship to coping with food took a turn. I became bulimic. I would binge eat then purge by forcing myself the throw up. I lost a drastic amount of weight. I was ill. My coaches asked me how I lost so much weight. I told them I ate a lot of salad and they praised me. I felt like I had to hide anything that was "wrong" with me. I felt isolated. I often felt indifference towards life or death. These unhealthy coping behaviors were my unconscious attempt to self-medicate and survive. My symptoms improved little by little over time. I didn’t understand what was going on with me. I was just surviving. As time went on, I continued to question my spirituality. I had a spiritual awakening and realized that Spirit was universal and loving. I realized that we are all one and Spirit is in all of us. I was healing from spiritual trauma.

I didn’t go to college.

I graduated in the top 10% of my class so I had the smarts, but I didn’t have any guidance. I was too stressed to figure out getting enrolled or how to support myself while going to school. So, I worked as a laborer. I shoveled, jackhammered, and dug ditches to survive. I didn’t believe that I was worthy of better jobs so I just kept digging and surviving for years.

I had been through a lot, but I was always a spiritual seeker.

I eventually found myself in more moments of clarity and experienced a new level of spiritual awakening. I realized that my connection to Spirit is what got me through my most difficult times. I invoked Spirit to lead the way. I asked Spirit to guide me to my spiritual partner. It didn't take long. One fateful night, Spirit spoke to me using a sign in the moon and guided me to meet the love of my life. I was in love and building a healthy, spiritual partnership. I was then, unknowingly, guided by Spirit to an opportunity to work at The Chopra Center For Well-Being (Deepak Chopra’s wellness center in Carlsbad, CA.) The job posting was anonymous. I had no idea that the job was at the Chopra Center until I arrived for the interview. I got the job. My eyes were opened to the world of well-being. Things were going well.

Work stress made me realized I had depression.

Life went on. I moved out of state and transitioned into a new sales career. Sales was a way for me to make a good living without a college degree. I worked my way up into a leadership position at work. Unfortunately, I was working excessive hours and in a toxic environment. The stress got real and I finally had the awareness that I was depressed. The work stress triggered the depression symptoms which led me to seek help and get professional treatment. I got a diagnosis: Chronic, severe, atypical major depression. It felt good to finally be able to name what I was experiencing and get on a treatment plan.

My depression medication stopped working.

Work stress continued to negatively impact my mental well-being. I was in high pressure sales and sales management. I became more depressed and burned out. We tried several medications and I was told that I was experiencing treatment resistant depression. I was taking multiple antidepressants with some positive benefits. I’m grateful for the medication because it allowed me to function. I felt totally dysfunctional without it. At some point I became dissatisfied with the results of my medication. I sought out alternative treatment through a medical marijuana doctor. At first, I felt amazing symptom relief. That was short lived. I made a mistake by abruptly quitting my traditional antidepressants. The combination of withdrawal from the medication and addition of the medical marijuana threw me into a manic, psychotic episode. It was a mental health crisis. My past trauma reemerged in my body and I developed fibromyalgia, a chronic pain syndrome.

I hit another bottom with my mental health.

With the support of my wife and psychiatrist, I began to heal. After some additional experimentation, my psychiatrist found the right combination of medication and medical marijuana that worked to support my well-being. Eventually, I got down to one antidepressant with a handful of natural supplements and let go of the medical marijuana. I remain open to all forms of treatment, traditional and alternative, that can support anyone experiencing mental illness. I do, however, always recommend working with a licensed mental health professional when dealing with any mental health treatment or substance. I got back on track. I recommitted to taking care of my well-being: mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Things we're going well, but I still wasn't thriving.

Coaching made the difference. Coaching was the missing piece that put me on the path to thriving.

I got secondhand exposure to coaching from my wife. She made the decision to become a recovery coach. I began to understand how coaching worked and how it could help people move through coping to healing to thriving. I wanted in. I began helping my wife with some backend aspects of the coaching business and was eventually able to come on full time when she transitioned from being only a coach to also becoming a coach educator. I fell in love with coaching and went all in on a coaching mindset and applied my learnings to my life. I completed my coach education and became a coach myself. I have to say that participating in coach education was one of the most powerful transitions of my life. Getting very deep into the coaching skills changed my wiring. It improved my relationship with myself, enhanced my communication, increased my confidence, gave me a template for a healthy, productive way of moving through life. I learned how to create awareness without judgement. I learned how to dream up big goals without fear of failure and I learned how to support myself through the process of achieving my goals. I learned how to support others through the power of coaching. I found my professional calling. I’ve learned that building a foundation of well-being is essential to thriving in any area of life. My passion is supporting men with well-being so they can achieve big personal and professional goals while thriving in all areas of life.

My mission for 2025 is to be an approachable, professional coaching resource for men’s well-being.

This will be a year of sharing my personal struggles and triumphs with mental well-being to open the door and extend an invitation to others who can relate and want to take action to improve their quality of life.

The first step to explore working together is to schedule a no-cost discovery call using the link below.

Richard Sartain, PCC